Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Eating Cake & Diet Rules...

I've always hated the expression "he wants his cake and wants to eat it too" I mean really, what nonsense is that!!!

Can you imagine sitting in a cafe with a group of friends, you all order cake and coffees... while your friends munch away on theirs, you leave your cake untouched. It's time to go and one of your friends notices your untouched cake.
"Aren't you going to eat that?" they ask you.
"oh no", you reply quite indignantly, "I don't want to be one of those people who gets their cakes AND eats it to!! no way, not me!"


Speaking of eating cake, seems there are always people around me that are dieting or wanting to lose weight so I thought now would be a good time to list a few diet laws.

These laws are not scientifically tested but neither is naturopathy and we all know that works!!!So for all you dieters....

1. If you eat it standing up, it has no calories.

2. If you eat from someone else's plate, it has no calories.

3. Mothers this one's for you. If you have children who don't finish their food, the unfinished portion that you end up polishing off has no calorie content.

4. The sliver you cut off of cake, bread, or any other loaf like item to make the remaining portion "neat" has no calories... no matter how many times you need to shape that cake/bread/etc, to make it "neat"

5. When baking, tasting the batter to check if it's correct has no calories.
5a. "licking the bowl" contains no calories.5
b. checking the finished product to see if it turned out ok contains no calories.

6. Eating in front of the television is bad only if you think about it. If you mindlessly shovel food into your mouth without thinking about it, then you didn't really eat it and therefore has no calories.

7. Food consumed at the cinema has no calories because it's part of the whole movie going experience.

8. Similarly, food consumed at parties has no calories because it's part of the party experience. This is especially true if you don't notice what you're eating (see Law 6)

9. If you eat while exercising (i.e., walking to the donut shop/fish & chip shop/bakers delight/McDonalds etc) then it has no calories.

10. If you really don't want the food you're consuming to have millions of calories, then by the power of your mind, those calories are wished away.

So there you go dieters.
Like I said, they're not scientifically proven but I have lived by these rules and know others that have and are still living by these rules.

So when you hear people say "I'm watching what I eat but I still can't lose weight" you can say, "a ha!, it's because you're watching what you eat!!! You have to be mindless about it!! Don't notice what you're eating, just shovel it in before your mind has a chance to respond! Then you too can be one of those people that say 'I don’t' eat anything yet I can't lose weight!' "